I picked up using real planners and notebooks (with fountain pens) for myself like a month after I made this page, so that filled the hole for writing my thoughts out, mostly. But there's stuff on my mind that feels like it could go here. Maybe it's wildly too personal, maybe it's not. I don't care too much.
It's really troubling how hard it can be to find resources for anything on the internet now, and that goes double if it's "niche" in the slightest. You want voice masculinization information? Here's an article written by someone who doesn't even know what they are writing about, with links to books written by underpaid ghostwriters that don't know either published on amazon to make a couple bucks, and more links, but this time, to dead websites. So, those are dead ends.
And to further complain.... Do you want to find a place nearby that specializes in masculinization, and not feminization? Tough luck. They don't seem to exist, or if they might, not in your area. Maybe it's google dying, maybe trans masc people really are this invisible and forgotten, maybe I just want the impossible.
I do know that this seems the case for most things I look for that aren't coding/program/3d questions which have answers on stackexchange or reddit. It hurts to experience the enshittification of the internet I love so dearly, and it hurts to feel invisible, or not worth serving, either because information is hard to find, or because your issue really is that lame.
Streaming with my group is hard though, I know that, and it's just because my voice, I loathe it so. Everything else is fine, a little tiring, but fine. I can man the stream, I would like to entertain people, but I can't get past my voice, and I find myself in the comforting embrace of portraying a specific image of myself on the internet I have full control over. Personal websites, I love you so.